Why is Behavior Change, Not Personal Growth

Newsletter Issue #003 A crucial aspect of our journey towards self-improvement

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In our last Newsletter #002, we delved into the '4 of the most common approaches to solving the problem.' Today, we're going to explore a related but distinct concept-the transformative power of personal growth and development.

Let's explore if problem-solving always leads to personal growth and development. The answer is not always, but when it does, it's a powerful journey of transformation and self-discovery, filled with hope and optimism.

But why is this not always the case? Why does problem-solving sometimes fall short of fostering personal growth and development?

First of all, most people solve problems at the behavioral level. However, Behavior is not the cause; it is the effect. 

Let's start from the beginning.

A Digression

The Universe consists of Matter, Energy, and Meaning (conscious intelligence).

Matter is the simultaneous manifestation of mass and energy in time and space.

Energy is defined as the ability to perform work, a property that must be transferred to an object to perform work or for heating to occur.

According to Einstein's well-known equality, Matter and Energy are two manifestations of the same reality. They are completely equivalent and can be converted into each other.

E=mc2 (energy is equivalent to mass multiplied by the square of the speed of light in a vacuum (c2)).

One of the oldest (formulated in ancient Greece) laws of physics is the Law of Conservation of Matter, which reads:

Matter cannot be destroyed or created from nothing; it can only change and pass from one form to another. The same goes for energy!

The third component of our Universe consists of Meaning or conscious intelligence.

Quantum physics and quantum mechanics have proven that the Meaning determines whether the appearance will be Matter or Energy.

A well-known experiment with "Two openings proved" that the experiment's outcome depends on the observer's expectations. Namely, when scientists fired photons through the opening, they appeared on the other side in some cases in the form of particles (matter) and in other cases in the form of waves (energy), depending on the observer's expectations.

Therefore, Meaning is the component that connects Matter and Energy.

How do these three components differ?

The difference is in the frequency at which they vibrate.

• Matter vibrates at the slowest frequency and has the highest density.

• Energy vibrates at a faster frequency and is rarer than matter.

• Meaning (conscious intelligence) vibrates the fastest and is the rarest.

Within each of them, there are scales of vibration that determine the density and quality of Matter, Energy, and Meaning. If you would like me to write more about these fascinating topics, please don't hesitate to let me know.

These are the starting assumptions that I had to write to make everything more transparent. Don't worry, this won't be a physics lesson.

And now, we return to our topic.

What, in fact, means personal growth and development

In modern psychology, it is recommended to avoid the term problem with the suggestion that the term has a negative connotation and "closes" options.

Instead, it is recommended to use the term challenge because it has more power and potential to initiate action towards a solution.

I use both terms but apply them in different contexts.

I use the term Problem when discussing an unwanted situation repeatedly and Challenge when discussing an undesirable situation that appears for the first time in someone's life.

Where do I see the essential difference?

For example. Person A has an unwanted financial situation. She has been in a difficult financial situation several times and has always "somehow" solved it. So, the person solved a particular problem.

However, she is again in a difficult financial situation after some time. This time, a little more complex and difficult. They will probably solve it "somehow," but that situation will happen again.

You probably know people you feel are telling you the same story over and over and struggling with the same kind of problem over and over. Whether it's about finances, relationships, career, violence... whatever, it's always the same topic.

I is recurring problem. In this case, solving problems alone is not personal growth and development. The person has stayed the same. She changed her Behavior for a while and solved the problem, but the internal mechanisms that drive thinking, decisions, actions, reactions, and ultimately the circumstances remained the same.

This is why person A did not develop through problem-solving but remained trapped in the same "known self." 

It's like if someone regularly practiced math by learning the multiplication table from scratch every time; he didn't get to the integral even though he persistently practiced math; he still needs to develop.

Another example is person B. This person has been through a lot in life, having had her ups and downs, but she solves an entirely different topic each time. I believe unwanted circumstances in this person's life are a challenge. This person is developing.

Obviously, life without problems/challenges does not exist

Why? What is the Meaning and reason?

The only logical answer that comes to mind is Personal Growth and Development.

So, how does a person with Problems become a person with Challenges?

The question itself is a call for change, a call for transformation. It reminds us that change is possible and necessary for personal growth and development.

Person A will tell you, "Well, I'm changing. I'm not doing that anymore; now I'm doing this more."

However, the person did not change; only changed his Behavior.

Where is the difference?

If we return to our opening story (digression), we can draw a parallel between the components that make up the Universe and those that make us.

• Matter corresponds to Behavior

• Energy corresponds to Emotions

• Meaning corresponds to Thinking

As we saw in the previous chapter, whether a photon is Energy or Matter depends on its Meaning. Likewise, our Behavior depend on our Thinking and Emotions.

Science has proven that our memories are not memorized by themes but by the emotions we attach to them.

An example of this is when you are sad or angry about something, remember five more things that made you sad or angry, or when you hear a good joke, remember other funny things or events.

So we cannot think better than we feel, and we cannot do better than we think!

And here we are, approaching the point from which we should start our personal development - from thoughts and emotions, the rarest form of our Energy. This understanding empowers us to take control of our personal growth and development.

Whatever we want in material reality, we must feel it first.

Behavior change

We all have some "tasks" that we solve throughout life, regardless of whether they are problems or challenges.

If we address them at the behavioral level, we will resolve them, but they will almost certainly come back to haunt us. Because we did not change ourselves, we did not "grow, progress, develop" but only changed our behavior within the same personality.

Recently, these texts have become very popular, e.g., 7 Habits of Successful People, 5 Rituals of Rich People, etc.

People think they'll succeed and prosper if they start acting that way. Most often, they won't.

The behaviors described in those texts are based on the nature and deep programs of those people. These behaviors are easy and convenient for the people.

For example, you read how some successful people get up every morning at 5:30, jog, eat carrots and apples, etc., so you start doing the same. However, you have to wind the clock to wake up at that time because it's not your rhythm. Do everything like that person and feel exhausted all day. That's not the key.

The key is how you feel doing what you're doing!

Behavioral change itself is "scratching" the surface.

In addition, people have a lot of trouble when they change their Behavior because they feel that they are doing something unnatural as if they are working against themselves; they feel as if they are under pressure from some "must" or that something is forbidden to them.

Unfortunately, in addition to being complex, most often the results are short-lived, and over time, people tend to revert to old patterns of behavior (which lead them to the old, familiar results).

Change in Thinking and Emotions

Thoughts and emotions are very connected; whether the chicken or the egg is older is almost the same.

When we have cheerful thoughts, we feel cheerful; likewise, when we feel cheerful, we have pleasant thoughts. 

You cannot feel joyful and think about something sad.

If we really want to change our reality and the circumstances in which we live, or at least to improve them, we must start the process of change at the level of thoughts and emotions.

These are more profound levels of transformation that lead to fundamental changes.

Let's do an experiment together to make this more straightforward:

For a moment, imagine a flexible pole. Imagine that thoughts and emotions are at the bottom of that pole, and Behavior is at the top.

Hold the flexible pole firmly at the bottom.

Now, if you want your Behavior to change by, say, 50%, you have two options:

a/ Move the top of the pole to the desired position

b/ Move the bottom of the pole so that the top is in the desired position

Notice:

• how much effort did you have to put in when you moved  the top (Behavior), and how much when you moved the bottom (thoughts and emotions)

  • to move the top (behavior) you needed more effort because the distance to move the top of the pole is greater than the distance you need to move at the bottom of the pole (thoughts and emotions)

• how did the pole behave when you stopped applying pressure to it 

  • the tip (Behavior) has returned to or near the initial position

  • unlike the pole whose bottom you moved (thoughts and emotions), it remained in the place where you moved it, 

So, by changing Thoughts and Emotions, Behavior changed and remained stable at a new level.

Conclusion

The circumstances in which we live and everything that happens to us are consequences of our activities and our behavior.

Actions and behavior are consequences of the way we think, and we think according to how we feel.

So, if we want to really progress and change our circumstances, the shortest and most effective way is to start with how we feel and think.

Our activities and circumstances will align with this.

So, the most effective and easiest way for Personal Growth and Development is to start by changing Thoughts and Emotions.

And you will read about it in the next Newsletter #004

"What are your thoughts, such is your life."

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