4 Most Common Approaches to Problem Solving
Newsletter Issue #002 4 Most Common Approaches to Problem Solving; How Some People Successfully Accumulate Problems
The hidden costs of ignoring emotional baggage
Just imagine the situation:
You get fantastic inspiration for writing, and thoughts and ideas come unstoppably. You MUST write them down; you remember a book with a quote that would fit perfectly into this text. You open the book and copy it, and then you need to open five more books to refer to some authors, quotes, dates, etc.; you make a mess around yourself. It doesn't bother you, on the contrary. You're enjoying yourself! The intercom is ringing. Wow, what a mess the apartment is. You quickly push the books onto the shelves, the papers into the drawers, and put the clothes from the armchair into the first closet. And everything was in order before the doorbell rang.
Even if you've never been in a similar situation, and most of you have (not necessarily about writing, of course), you can imagine it.
What do you think? Does this apartment look neat? Yes.
And is the apartment spotless? Not.
Only the apparent mess was removed and moved in the same form (mess) to places where it was not noticeable.
This is a familiar pattern in problem-solving for most people.
They are "solving" them so that they hide them from themselves in places where they aren't "stabbing in their eyes" and cannot be seen, and then it seems everything is fine.
When that "tidy mess" accumulates so that "drawers are bursting" and "cupboards are boiling," they are not well, and they do not know what is wrong with them because everything seems to be fine from the outside.
These are the four most common approaches to solving the problems:
1/ They ignore and continue to suffer
The first approach is to ignore the problems and continue to suffer, often attributing the situation to fate or circumstances beyond one's control.
Most often, people say that this is their fate, that they have no choice, that it does not depend on them, that they cannot do anything because they are too old or too young, have too little money or too many obligations, haven't a job or have too much work... blah, blah, blah….
Excuses, just so nothing changes even though they know how much they need change.
Remember that every change brings a feeling of insecurity, and people have an existential need to avoid that feeling.
How do they deal with "crammed" things in "cupboards and drawers"?
They buy another closet that they call a "closet for everything" or separate a room that they call storage, bunker, shock room, etc. They usually go into those rooms to add something else, and the things in them are so forgotten that when they need something, they repurchase it.
I am sure you understand that I am not writing here about the rooms in our house but about the space in our consciousness and subconsciousness.
Just as they gave names to those cabinets, drawers, and rooms, they offer a name to the psychological state they are in due to accumulated and unresolved problems.
It's a fact that people experience significant relief when they give a name to a current problem, emotion, situation, or condition. This act of labeling, such as 'burnout,' 'overload,' 'anxiety,' 'depression,' etc., provides a sense of understanding and validation, even if it's just a temporary relief from the actual problem.
This sense of validation can make you feel understood and less alone in your struggles.
However, this is a continuation strategy in the same style because now they have an "alibi" not to deal with solving the accumulated problems.
If they really don't begin to solve the accumulated problems, then naming their condition is, in effect, opening one more drawer or closet for storing junk.
It's a strategy that provides a brief respite, albeit temporary, allowing them to continue (alas, in the same manner).
Realistically, this is not a strategy for solving but for avoiding problems.
2/ Unpaid Support
This approach, often referred to as 'Unpaid Support ', involves sharing your current situation with close people and asking for advice on how to find a solution.
The concept of close people in this category is very flexible and depends on how introverted or extroverted a specific person is. It ranges from a family member or a close friend to sharing their story on social media.
Is this a good approach?
While this approach is undoubtedly better than the previous one, it's important to be aware of its limitations.
Unpaid support, whether from family, friends, or social media, is valuable, but it's crucial to remember that the advice given is always filtered through the giver's own experiences and perspectives.
Whoever you tell over a coffee or a bottle of wine, whatever is happening to you and how it makes you feel, the person will tell you what they would do in your place. Advice from own shoes.
It is necessary to understand that no two people have the same knowledge, experience, and value system. Because of this, it can happen that even the most well-intentioned advice you simply cannot apply.
The value of this approach is that sharing a story about an uncomfortable situation "opens the drawers."
By talking to someone you trust, you're not only asking for advice but also hearing your own story, which brings you closer to the clarity you need.
In addition, you gain a new perspective and can see the bigger picture.
In the end, the feeling that you are not alone, that someone listened and understood you, strengthens your will to solve the problem.
Indeed, sound advice from an empathetic and wise person can give you a breakthrough that will lead you to be courageous, motivated, and find a solution.
3/ Self-help method
Another common approach is the 'Self-help method.' People often turn to self-help books, YouTube videos, and positive psychology workshops.
They apply what they learn in the order in which they discover new methods, facts, techniques, tools, and approaches.
Does this help?
Of course, every new knowledge and experience helps us expand our view of the world and grow. In that sense, it is precious. Self-help methods can be empowering, giving us the tools and knowledge to navigate life's challenges. They make us feel capable and in control of our own growth and development.
However, the ORDER is significant for actual "arrangement and tidying up." In this case, the order is not adapted to our needs; we educate ourselves in the order in which we discover topics and authors that resonate with our current situation.
Thus, amid chaos, we apply the SMART method of goal setting, learn other people's affirmations by heart, repeat them mindlessly, and ask ourselves, "Who are you lying to?" We make a vision board that we do not believe in and tap the EFT strategy by saying someone else's text and someone else's truth.
To avoid confusion, I emphasize that all these methods, techniques, and tools are phenomenal and effective.
However, to really solve the problem, it is necessary to pay attention to
order of application and
personal, authentic story and truth.
This means you cannot build a quality house if you build the roof before digging the foundation. I deliberately wrote "digging" and not "made" because this is really about the fact that it is necessary to "excavate" your true truths to create a quality foundation for future construction.
4/ Professional help
Success in this approach depends on both parties.
When choosing professional help, it is essential to keep the following in mind:
the kind of help you need - whether it's a doctor, therapist, coach, mentor, counselor, shaman, guru…
a help model that resonates with you - whether it's 1:1 work or group work (regardless of whether it's a thematic workshop adapted to your level, newsletter group, webinar...)
professionalist
which pleases you
who do you believe
with whom you are open
who motivates you and
according to which you can feel the necessary degree of responsibility to implement what has been agreed
Here, I must emphasize one of the biggest mistakes in an APPROACH that some people make when they seek professional help. They come with the attitude that they will present their problem to a professional and that therapists will solve it for them.
This has happened to me several times. A client comes to me, tells me his situation, crosses his arms and legs, and says, in what time frame can you solve this for me, or let's solve it now. Hello, I'm not a car mechanic. You are not a thing that I have to fix.
No coach, guru, or therapist... can help a client with such an attitude!
Problem-solving, personal growth, and lifestyle enhancement work differently than that. If a professional therapist or coach promises you this, it should be immediately apparent that he is deceiving you (and possibly himself) with promises he cannot keep.
The next thing to consider before seeking professional help is what you want. Do you want to feel better, solve the most pressing problem, or grow and progress?
Here lies the fundamental difference in approach, work, and results.
Namely, if you want to solve the current problem, expect the next course of your therapies, consultations, sessions, or whatever professional help you have chosen. Depending on the different work styles, you will essentially be guided through several key stages:
What is your problem (point A)
What is the best outcome for you (point B)
Let's set a SMART goal
Why is it important to you to get to point B?
What prevents you from getting from point A to point B
What are the resources that you have for reaching point B
Let's make an inspiring plan
Good luck!
Of course, this is a condensed and trivialized process. It includes many more essential details, questions, guidance, openings, exercises, motivations, and tools to help you get from A to B.
This approach helps declutter the drawers, closets, and rooms you've decided to tidy up.
Definitely, YOU are the person who can give you the best possible advice!
You know yourself best and all the details about yourself, your circumstances, experiences, values, and emotions. However, sometimes, expert guidance is crucial to achieving the necessary clarity. Without clarity, you can't see your possibilities and make the right decisions.
Professional help can lead to effective problem-solving when approached with the right attitude and expectations.
In any case, this approach is the most effective and leads to a solution the fastest.
The question also arises whether solving the problem is the growth path. It can be, but it doesn't have to be. Honestly, most of the time, it isn't.
Why?
You have solved the problem on the surface, not the essence. That is, at best, you have changed your behavior within "your topic," but you haven't changed; maybe you haven't even tapped into the power within you that puts that topic on your agenda.
The cause of the problem is at the deeper levels of your personality, and it is very possible (in most cases) that the same issue (in a slightly different form, usually more extensive) will appear again.
If you think about close people from your environment, you will notice that they often seem to solve the same problem all their lives. A problem with the same theme (e.g., personal finances, interpersonal relationships, partner relationships, etc.) is that only the content and stories they tell you are slightly modified.
More about recurring problems can be read in the following Newsletter, #003.
You have not defeated the "known yourself." The known self will find ways to continue producing "known results."
Read about ways to overcome the "known self" next Friday in Newsletter #003
Conclusion
To effectively solve the problem, use the AVOID approach 1.
Use approaches 2, 3, and 4 according to your nature and current situation.
They will undoubtedly help you, and approach 4 will most effectively lead you to a solution.
If you want to solve more than one problem at a time but are growing and developing, read Newsletter #003 next Friday.
If you have questions, comments, or observations, write them. I look forward to your participation in our journey of turning joyous success into a habit.
Also, please submit your questions for the Tuesday Newsletter Q&A #002 if you have them. Simply send your question to support@peakperformancevisdom.com using the 'Reader Question' subject line, and I'll do my best to answer as many questions as possible in each Newsletter.
Hey Mladena, I love this post! I didn’t know how commoner these approaches were until I read this! I resonate with this because I’ve done most of these approaches (except for the professional help one) and realized that problem solving is more so about being proactive than reactive. Sure, I read tons of self-help books, but none of it would have mattered if I didn’t apply the information, like you said, into my daily life and be honest with myself to see my problems and not run from them. Thank you so much for posting this! Your newsletter is awesome by the way! Just subscribed! :)
Hi Mladena, I love what you said about dealing with the core issue that’s forcing the undesirable behavior. Looking forward to the follow up next Friday!