How do you stop gambling forever?

Newsletter Issue #004 Everything you need to know about how to get out of the agony of gambling

When I talk about gambling, I don't mean only Casinos, Online gambling, Betting houses at the end of the street, and the like. I also mean high-risk jobs such as trading on the stock market, forex, crypto market, investing that promises a lot of speed, etc.

In my career, I have handled many cases with different "titles," but the essence of the problem was the same—gambling.

I write the text addressing my previous/current/future clients because the content of what I heard from them, what I hear, and what I know in advance that I will listen to - is the same.

Starting point

If you have decided to say no to gambling forever, this text is for you.

You must be feeling exhausted from the roller coaster from brilliance to despair. You are probably in debt. You may feel disoriented and need help figuring out where to start. You may think swimming out of the problems that have overwhelmed you is impossible. I met that many times in my coaching sessions.

Don't worry; when there is a firm decision and intention, people can solve everything with a wise and disciplined implementation of a possible and sustainable plan.

When you change your path, excellent possibilities you can't imagine now will open up. The possibility of changing circumstances is significant to keep in mind.

When we are on the wrong path, we don't see the possibilities, ways, and solutions that lead to success. The wrong path is why the problems in these situations are too big and seem impossible to solve.

We do not see the possibilities and solutions because we are not where they are.

That's why you should first STOP and MAKE A CLEAR DECISION about changing your life path.

Decision

When I talk about the decision, it is not a decision made by the head. Namely, it is not enough that someone told you that gambling is not suitable for you, that your family is pressuring and blackmailing you, or that your creditors are pressuring you. All that is not enough for the decision I am talking about here.

That decision should come from your whole being, not just your head because the need to gamble is deeply structured in your entire body.

If it were only about the head and the rational part, one would have stopped at the first loss. However, it is not. The need to gamble is structured in the deepest parts of the subconscious, and the gambler will often say that "the cube pulls him, attracts him, that it is stronger than him," and the like.

So, what kind of decision am I talking about here?

I'm talking about the decision you make when you are deeply disgusted with gambling and that way of life when you feel physical disgust and nausea at the very thought.

If you've "decided" to quit gambling and you don't feel the disgust I'm talking about here, I have to tell you that you're not ready to stop gambling wholly and forever change your life. You may want to and are rationally aware of why you should do it, but your body is not ready for such a change.

In that case, I recommend you find an excellent coach or psychotherapist to help you make that decision "with your whole being."

Whether you made the correct, clear, and firm decision through great pain or with the help of a coach or a psychotherapist, you have taken the first big step on a new life path.

What to do after making the decision?

Bravo for deciding to stop gambling. This decision has solved most problems because the debt has stopped growing indefinitely.

If your decision is firm and stable, it is time to reclaim your life. This process involves several deep stages, such as acknowledging the problem, understanding the root causes, developing coping strategies, and rebuilding relationships.

It would be valuable if you had the guidance of a good coach or therapist who can provide you with strategies, support, and accountability in this process.

The support of your environment, family, and friends is also crucial. It is not uncommon for a gambler to lose all of his friends and the trust and support of his family before making the lifelong decision to stop gambling.

Even if so, don't worry; life goes on after a solid and precise decision, and you can build from scratch. In the case of gambling, the decision is the most important.

When you make your big decision, it's imperative that you completely disconnect from all the people, apps, and content that relate to the part of your life you've decided to leave forever.

Now, debts are your biggest problem. Trust me, they are not. Gamblers lose much more than money. They lose friends, family, trust, reputation, self-confidence, joy, faith, and abilities. Money is the easiest thing to recover.

So, a clear decision is the basis for escaping this agony.

In this process, it is essential to be gentle with yourself. Take this seriously because gambling already significantly weakens you energetically, so any harshness towards yourself, such as self-judgment, is counterproductive.

A gambler who has decided to stop gambling is already too burdened with emotions of the lowest frequency, such as fear, shame, and guilt. Getting out of such an emotional state is necessary for a gambler because these emotions paralyze a person and make them powerless.

So how will you do it?

ACCEPTANCE OF 100% RESPONSIBILITY

Accepting 100% responsibility is not about admitting guilt. It's about acknowledging your past actions, making a firm decision to change, and forgiving yourself. This is not a burden but a source of power.

Blaming yourself drains your energy, but taking responsibility empowers you to make a change.

First stage — STOP LIES

At this stage, it is necessary to stop lying. Sorry to use this word, but to solve problems, we need to call a spade a spade. Every gambler lies. It is a natural way of maintaining such a lifestyle, and at the same time, it feels like it is sustaining life itself.

We have two types of lies here. A gambler lies to people in the environment to get money. That lie is a lesser part of the problem than the other one, which is that he is lying to himself:

• He lies to himself that he is not lying to others but that it is only a temporary overcoming of the situation until the expected gain,

• He lies to himself that he is not a gambler but just "having a little fun."

• He lies to himself and says that he knows what to do to win next time.

• He lies to himself that this is the last time he will repay his debts.

• He lies to himself that one day, he will live to the fullest, but he is in captivity and has already forgotten how to live.

So, first of all, stop lying and manipulating yourself. Face yourself and tell yourself the whole truth. Then, stop lying to others.

Then, sharing your firm decision and truth with close people, family members, and friends is helpful. Someone can be angry, offended, feel cheated, or exhausted. Nevertheless, it is necessary to do it. It will greatly test your ability to tell the truth and accept responsibility.

Whatever their reaction is, you come out of that conversation freed from lies and manipulation. Even if none of them is ready to help and support you on your new path, accept it calmly as a consequence of your "previous life."

However they react, don't blame them. Remember that these are the people who loved you and whom you let down. Forgive yourself and them, and continue on your new path.

It often happens that after a while, when people see your firm determination, they approach you and offer support and help.

Second stage — ACCEPTANCE

This is a challenging but necessary step in your recovery journey.

Whatever you have done, however much you have ruined your life, you must accept and forgive yourself to escape the agony. This is not about forgetting or condoning your past actions but about acknowledging them, learning from them, and moving forward with self-compassion and understanding.

Your image of yourself is distorted. Because of the way of life you have led, you are no longer sure who you are, what you love and want, what your talents and possibilities are, and what is possible for you.

During this phase, it's beneficial to have the support of a coach or therapist. They can guide you through powerful questions and gentle guidance, helping you rediscover yourself and your potential.

Why is that important?

Because you need to awaken your inner power to solve external problems. The basis of this phase is:

• honesty with yourself,

• discovering your deep limiting beliefs and replacing them with beliefs that support you,

• building a new healthy value system,

• a deep love for yourself,

• accepting yourself and the circumstances you are in, and

• opening vision for your possible future.

Then, drop down all your debts and creditors in the journal. Face the total amount of debt and think about how you can repay the debt and what dynamics to use. This is about clearly understanding your financial situation and developing a realistic plan to pay off your debts.

If, at this point, you cannot see how you will pay back the debts, that's okay, too. Don't get into self-deception or self-judgment because that doesn't lead to results. You should have finished with that in the previous phase.

Further, write down all your resources, including money, assets, knowledge, abilities, skills, time, contacts, and talents, and see what you can do with them. Make a plan that is possible and sustainable for you.

Third stage — ACTION

After that, you call the creditors. Please don't wait for them to contact you. You are now empowered through the first two stages of the process. You can accept whatever the conversation's outcome may be.

It's just essential that you tell them the truth. Please do not lie to them and promise what you wish were true. Only promise what you can deliver if you can do something now and know when you will be able to, say so. Surprise yourself with honesty.

You certainly want and intend to pay back your debts, but don't make it up if you need to know when and how now.

Show a clear intention and an honest state of mind. You never know how they will react, but that is part of the responsibility you are now taking and are ready to accept.

Listen carefully to their suggestions. Do not accept what is not realistically possible for you at this moment. You are looking for additional time to consolidate, which means gathering your thoughts, considering your options, and making a well-informed decision.

This is a time for reflection and planning, not rushing into commitments or decisions you must prepare for.

Revise your plan once more and take action. This is not a one-time process but an ongoing journey. As you progress in your recovery, you may need to adjust your plan to reflect new goals, challenges, and opportunities. Track your progress step by step, and change your life forever.

Finally, remember that you are not alone in this situation. Many people have successfully overcome it and started a new life full of joy and success. This is not just about stopping gambling; it's about reclaiming your life and finding happiness and fulfillment in new, healthier ways.

If you are firm and persistent on your new path, success and reward will come! Be sure of that. I had many gambling cases in my coaching sessions, and these people have a different life now. It's possible!